being single

July 26, 2018

Having a Moment: How I Feel About Being Single Right Now

I haven’t written one of these Having a Moment posts in a bit, but I’ve been thinking about writing this one forever. Today, I guess I just got into a mood and this spilled right out. So here we go!

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Took a little break from the city 🌆 & headed down the shore this week. 🛣⁣
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Jim has been in in Atlanta for a *3 week* 😅 work training. After isolating for two weeks myself, I relocated down to my parents’ & sister’s houses to let Jim quarantine when he gets back, and for a little more space for me. 🌳⁣
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I have been thankful for the fresh air & (private!) outdoor spaces for workouts & morning coffee. ☕️ After months apart, it’s nice to be spending some time with my family. 🖤⁣
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How have you guys been spending your first week of summer? ☀️⁣
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#phillyblogger #southjersey #southjerseylife #njshore #summerdreams #visitnj #southnj #njisbeautiful #just_newjersey #njisntboring #njisallgood #southjerseyadventures #wildnewjersey #phlbloggers

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I’ve been having really mixed feelings about starting to post anything unrelated to Black Lives Matter again. ⁣
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I know people have been unmuting themselves this week. And I find myself conflicted, because while I don’t really fault them for getting back to posting and still (hopefully) keeping up their anti-racism work, some of the stories and posts I’ve been seeing have really, really angered me. ⁣
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These past few weeks, while I do feel like I have been waking up, have also been extremely painful. I am capital P Privileged. I have Black friends, colleagues, acquaintances. I never talked to them about race. I never pressed through the challenging conversations with people close to me. I never knew my role in this fight, or took responsibility enough to ask what it could be. ⁣
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I have been having many, many, daily conversations about racism. With my family, my friends, with Jim, and *a lot* with coworkers. Prior to George Floyd’s death, I would have never talked about race at work. Let alone put things out there on Zoom calls and settle into the uncomfortableness. But I’m working on getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. ⁣
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I keep seeing this quote from Sonia Gupta:⁣
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“Unlearning white supremacy isn't Instagrammable. It's deeply personal, existential, and difficult work. It often feels horrible. It will make you cry. You might become depressed. It can be very lonely and isolating. It will shatter your ego and your belief system.⁣
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Do it anyway.” ⁣
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To use some steps from @theoptin workshop I participated in tonight (& that brought me to tears), I am motivated to make a personal change, and I have hope that our world can end white supremacy. I need to make my personal work a consistent part of my life. So I know, even though the getting back into posting things outside of BLM has been very jarring for me, I do believe it’s inevitably how I’m going to make this change long term. ⁣
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Please continue to call me out, I’m learning. I’ve been very thankful for those who have kindly offered me alternatives to some of my white saviorism ideas. Community is important right now (another takeaway from @theoptin), so I’m thankful I have you. Talk to you soon. xx

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Muting to listen & learn. I’m with you. #blackouttuesday

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