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November 15, 2020

My hopes for “the next me”

Today was my official move out day of my home for the past 8+ years. 

We emptied the place out, patched up all the holes from hung photos & art, and left it, probably cleaner than when I moved in. 

I wasn’t emotional* – which is very unlike me. I think, for the past few weeks and in the moment, I was too focused on all of the things I needed to get done.

But what is giving me total comfort and peace is this: I can’t wait for the next (hopefully!) young woman who moves in here. I am so excited for her. I hope she falls head over heels in love with the city. I hope she marvels over how pretty Pine Street is in the fall, and how pretty Addison Street is all year long. I hope she finds the best gems at the Rittenhouse Farmer’s Market (very sour pickles & cheesy scones), and I hope she sits in the park a lot. I hope she goes on lots and lots of dates, always underestimating the time it takes to get from the apartment to Ranstead Room or Tria Taproom. I hope she finds the best pizza delivery (Santucci’s & Boccocini) and does her CVS & Walgreens runs in only her most flattering of ensembles. 

I hope she meets up with old friends for street festivals & dinner dates at restaurants with cuisines she never even knew she’d like. I hope she meets new friends, through her hobbies, at the gym, or, my personal fav (!), through the internet. I hope she shows her family around the city, helping them park in the neighborhood (& telling them yeah I know, but it’s worth it). I hope she takes advantage of being a few blocks from theaters and a quick Uber ride to countless concert venues. I hope she gets to experience a sports championship, and I hope she beats her hangover and gets out to experience at least one New Year’s Day. 

I hope the beauty of the city never ceases to amaze her. I hope she turns down every side street, on a quest to find something new she’s never seen before. I hope she eventually does it with someone she loves. 

I hope she wished and dreamed for this life, and this baby little apartment in the heart of the city gives her the chance to live it. I hope she loves it. I am so, so happy for her. 

*But now I am 😭😭😭

Photo by Camille Mola

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Filed Under: living Tagged: happiness, moving

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HP on the Gram

Took a little break from the city 🌆 & headed do Took a little break from the city 🌆 & headed down the shore this week. 🛣⁣
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Jim has been in in Atlanta for a *3 week* 😅 work training. After isolating for two weeks myself, I relocated down to my parents’ & sister’s houses to let Jim quarantine when he gets back, and for a little more space for me. 🌳⁣
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I have been thankful for the fresh air & (private!) outdoor spaces for workouts & morning coffee. ☕️ After months apart, it’s nice to be spending some time with my family. 🖤⁣
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How have you guys been spending your first week of summer? ☀️⁣
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#phillyblogger #southjersey #southjerseylife #njshore #summerdreams #visitnj #southnj #njisbeautiful #just_newjersey #njisntboring #njisallgood #southjerseyadventures #wildnewjersey #phlbloggers
I’ve been having really mixed feelings about sta I’ve been having really mixed feelings about starting to post anything unrelated to Black Lives Matter again. ⁣
⁣
I know people have been unmuting themselves this week. And I find myself conflicted, because while I don’t really fault them for getting back to posting and still (hopefully) keeping up their anti-racism work, some of the stories and posts I’ve been seeing have really, really angered me. ⁣
⁣
These past few weeks, while I do feel like I have been waking up, have also been extremely painful. I am capital P Privileged. I have Black friends, colleagues, acquaintances. I never talked to them about race. I never pressed through the challenging conversations with people close to me. I never knew my role in this fight, or took responsibility enough to ask what it could be. ⁣
⁣
I have been having many, many, daily conversations about racism. With my family, my friends, with Jim, and *a lot* with coworkers. Prior to George Floyd’s death, I would have never talked about race at work. Let alone put things out there on Zoom calls and settle into the uncomfortableness. But I’m working on getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. ⁣
⁣
I keep seeing this quote from Sonia Gupta:⁣
⁣
“Unlearning white supremacy isn't Instagrammable. It's deeply personal, existential, and difficult work. It often feels horrible. It will make you cry. You might become depressed. It can be very lonely and isolating. It will shatter your ego and your belief system.⁣
⁣
Do it anyway.” ⁣
⁣
To use some steps from @theoptin workshop I participated in tonight (& that brought me to tears), I am motivated to make a personal change, and I have hope that our world can end white supremacy. I need to make my personal work a consistent part of my life. So I know, even though the getting back into posting things outside of BLM has been very jarring for me, I do believe it’s inevitably how I’m going to make this change long term. ⁣
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Please continue to call me out, I’m learning. I’ve been very thankful for those who have kindly offered me alternatives to some of my white saviorism ideas. Community is important right now (another takeaway from @theoptin), so I’m thankful I have you. Talk to you soon. xx
Muting to listen & learn. I’m with you. #blackou Muting to listen & learn. I’m with you. #blackouttuesday
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